Business Mind

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son to get married
Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choiceSon : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."Son : "Well, in that case.... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."Ambani : "But I dont want to marry my daughter."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."Ambani : "Ah, in that case.... Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."President : "Ah, in that case.... Yes."
Now this is how business is done!!

PEPITO strikes again...

A grade school teacher in Las Milpas asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Maria put up her hand and said, "Myfamily went to my abuelito's farm, and we all saw his pet cabrito. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Enriqueta shyly raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see los pyramids and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Enriqueta, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

PEPITO raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Pepito before. She finally decided there was no way he could damag the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Pepito said, "My Tia Nina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her chichis are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher cried.

Pakao Jokes (PJs)

Q1. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.

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why ?? why ?? :-)

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Tendulkar is an opener
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Q2. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?

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Dil Chhata Hai!
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Q3. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

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Socho socho

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aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
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Q4. What will! u call a person who is leaving India??

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Socho...............

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Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
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Q5. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

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Answer) adidas
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Q6. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fells into the well. Why ?

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Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?

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OK lot's of head scratching done.

Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Want one more...
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Q7. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..

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nahi pata..??

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answer) D'Cold

chain ki saans - D'cold
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Q8. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?

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this is quite simple..

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answer) D'Cold again

kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :P
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Q9. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the. Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?


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Because Mayuri 'can - go'.

Ek aur.....
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Q10. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon??

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think harder...

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Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...

Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe
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Q11. kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???

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Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

aur chhaiye...theek hai
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Q12. Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the... bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata Qyo???

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Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor
dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha

aakhri sawaal
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Q13.mitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the... bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyo???

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b/s pran jaye per bacchan na jaye

aab kya...

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kucch bhi nahi.
Have good time and get back to work.
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Tamil Movies!!!

Recently Isaac Newton, the father of physics, made a visit to Earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies and his head was in a spin.

He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done. Here are a few scenes from Rajinikanth's movies:

Rajinikanth has a brain tumour which, according to the doctors, can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajinikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumour along with it and he is cured. Long live Rajinikanth!

Rajinikanth is confronted with three gangsters. He has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does? He throws a knife at the gangster standing in the centre and shoots at the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into two pieces, killing both the gangsters flanking the one in the centre, while the knife kills the middle one.

Rajinikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajinikanth has a revolver but he has no bullets in it. Guess, what he does? No, not even in your remotest imagination. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajinikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun ... and the gangster dies.

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he stayed around to watch another movie, thinking that at least it will follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes on fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops! Not so fast. The climax finally arrives. Rajinikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. It's so high that Rajinikanth can't jump even if he tries one of those superman techniques our heroes normally use. He has to desperately kill the villain. Rajinikanth pulls out two guns from his pocket. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun reaches the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton faints!

Laugh capsules

u r Ultimataa
u r Lovely
u r Likeable
u r Unique
In short... u r ULLU !!!

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I am getting married next week.
There will be small party
and only a few people will be invited.
Don't brings any gifts.
just brings SOMEONE to marry me.

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Galileo : Great Mind
Einstein : Genius Mind
Newton : Extraordinary Mind
Bill Gates : Brilliant Mind
ME : Master Mind
YOU : Never Mind

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Good Person : Its YOU
Good Friend : Its YOU again
Good Heart : That's YOU !
Good Will : Its also YOU !
Good Looking Ahh....
hold it. Its 2 much 4 u..... Now its ME

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I wanted 2 kill the SWEETEST, SMARTEST
& the most beautiful person on the earth,
but then I thought.........
SUICIDE is a crime.

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I Look at the moon,
the moon is beautiful...
I look at you... I... I...I'd rather
look at the moon again...

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CHI CHANG CHEN
LAINGHUANG THEIN
CHI KWA SIAU-CIE
WOHEN HAU NI THAZ
THAZ HAO OEI SIEN-SHENG
Popat ! Agar samj nahi aa raha ho
to padh kyon rahe ho....?

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Why do we drink water ?
Because we cannot eat it.

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Which letters R* cute* ?
A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M
N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Ans.: Don't tell any 1 ok?
'U' and 'I'

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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio
with a sports car around it.

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Zinjagi mein teen chijen kabhi bhi aa sakti hain....
1) PAISA,
2) MAUT
AUR ...... ......AUR
3) MERA MAIL

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Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
kuch nahi bas tumhari shakal yaad aagayi
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

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The more you study. The more you know.
The more you know. The more you forget.
The more you forget. The less you know.
So why study?

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Winners of "I look like my Dog" contest!

Dilbert's Theorem on Salary

Dilbert's Theorem on Salary states that engineers and scientists never earn as much salary as business executives, sales people & Management guys This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following three postulates:



Postulate 1:
Knowledge is Power (Knowledge=Power)

Postulate 2:
Time is Money (Time=Money)

Postulate 3:
(as every engineer knows): Power =Work/Time

It therefore follows:

Knowledge = Work / Time

and since Time = Money, we have:

Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work/Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

Conclusion 1:
The Less you Know, the More you Make.

Conclusion 2:
This is the reason why your BOSS is paid more.

Mallu jokes are here!!!

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana
Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN
bones....

Professional way of writing a love letter

This is how, to write a love letter, in a professional manner....



Dearest Girl:

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Monday, the 29th of Jan 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 29th of Jan 2001 at 2300 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.

Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be treated as cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering some other girl. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,

Boy

Situations where "OH! SHIT" is considered appropriate

oh! shit


oh! shit


oh! shit


oh! shit


oh! shit

Professor at IIMs explaining marketing concepts to Students

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"

Thats Confidence

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilot less technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.



Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEO's promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

Thats Confidence!!!